DEAR DEIDRE I am stuck between two men who say they love me but don’t help financially

DEAR DEIDRE: MONEY isn’t everything in a relationship, but in my case it really would help.

Two men are offering themselves up on a plate, but I don’t know who to choose and if I don’t make a decision soon, I’ll lose them both.

One is my ex-husband who was so mean with his earnings, and my new man who is gorgeous in every way except that he is completely unashamed about sponging off me.

I am 34 and separated from my daughter’s dad, 38, when she was just a baby.

Soon after I started dating a friend’s cousin, who is 36.

We have been together for four years and have shared many ups and downs in that time, but he did step up as a father figure in my daughter’s life and they have a great bond.

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On the face of it he is perfect. He’s very generous in the bedroom and runs around after me outside of it.

But despite earning decent money, he has never offered a penny towards the bills while living full- time in my house.

I kicked him out a month ago and he’s trying to reconcile with me, while confusingly my daughter’s biological father has also been cosying up to me.

He’s been so charming, I’ve invited him to stay for dinner which always ends with him staying overnight in my bed.

When we were together, he was stingy with money — giving me a pathetic allowance, while living the high life with his friends.

Now he insists he regrets his behaviour and says he will take care of us.

I feel caught between a rock and a hard place.


AYS: When it comes to relationships, money is often a touchy subject.

Someone who genuinely loves you would want to share everything and help if you were financially struggling.

Financial clarity was an issue in both your relationships, suggesting you need more confidence to discuss your needs.

Both men say they’ll change but you’d be taking a big leap of faith with either of them from where you stand now.

Even if they do share their money and demonstrate they are prepared to fully commit, think hard about the other changes you would need to make a relationship work.

If either are unwilling to commit in a form which gives you security, financial and otherwise, don’t go back there.

My support packs Torn Between Two Men and Family Finances will also help you too.

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