'What a sad case I am': Rambling jailhouse letters penned by a deranged killer who strangled his nurse girlfriend to death with a pair of pants reveal the disgusting way he contracted Hepatitis B in jail

  • Shea Sturt was jailed for 22 years for killing Caitlin O'Brien, 31, in their Melbourne flat a year ago
  • He stabbed her with scissors, smothered her with a pillow, tied pants around her neck so she would stay dead
  • Sturt was in the midst of a drug-exacerbated psychosis that created paranoid delusions about Ms O'Brien
  • Letters he wrote in jail claim she would still be alive if he was kept there, and detail his descent into madness
  • He also admits to 'sadistic' decade of domestic violence, and pathetically apologises for his crimes 
A deranged boyfriend admits in chilling jailhouse letters that he was 'unabashedly sadistic' and 'predatory' to a young nurse over their decade-long abusive relationship before he strangled her.
Shea Sturt, 33, was last week jailed for 22 years for murdering young nurse Caitlin O'Brien, 31, in their Melbourne home on June 25, 2019, during a psychotic episode while she was recovering from brain surgery.
Before pleading guilty, Sturt sent a series of handwritten letters from prison to a mutual friend, obtained by Daily Mail Australia, describing his deadly drug-induced descent into madness.
Sturt's scribblings detailed how he stabbed Ms O'Brien with scissors, smothered her with a pillow, and tied tracksuit pants around her neck to make sure she would stay dead. 
Shea Sturt, 33, was last week jailed for 22 years for killing young nurse Caitlin O'Brien, 31, in their Melbourne home on June 25, 2019, while she was recovering from brain surgery
Shea Sturt, 33, was last week jailed for 22 years for killing young nurse Caitlin O'Brien, 31, in their Melbourne home on June 25, 2019, while she was recovering from brain surgery
He claims Ms O'Brien 'would still be alive' if he wasn't released from The Alfred Hospital after just a few hours of observation, despite him rambling to doctors about his 'paranoid delusions'. 
Later letters claim he was still so psychotic when he first arrived in jail that he contracted Hepatitis B from 'eating from a prison toilet'.
Sturt finally admits he deserves his fate, but is looking forward to his 'brand new life' when he gets out of jail in as early as 2035.
'I was sadistic... predatory... it was the core of our relationship'
Sturt and Ms O'Brien's relationship was chaotic and violent from when they first met at Chisholm TAFE in Frankston, south-east Melbourne, as teenagers.
The nurse often shocked her hospital colleagues by showing up to work crying and with bruises and Sturt faced court multiple times for domestic violence.
Yet the loyal girlfriend stood by him even as court documents show his drug use increased, his mental health worsened, and his deranged violence grew more frequent and dangerous.
Sturt and Ms O'Brien's relationship was chaotic and violent from when they first met at Chisholm TAFE in Frankston, southeast Melbourne, as teenagers
Sturt and Ms O'Brien's relationship was chaotic and violent from when they first met at Chisholm TAFE in Frankston, southeast Melbourne, as teenagers
Years too late, Sturt finally confesses to all of this abuse, writing: 'I fully admit I was predatory towards Caitlin. It was the core of our relationship.'
Years too late, Sturt finally confesses to all of this abuse, writing: 'I fully admit I was predatory towards Caitlin. It was the core of our relationship.'
'She loved me so much, I know. She stayed true to me and at her own peril. She would have been so scared I agree,' Sturt wrote, admitting that his drug taking that helped lead to the murder was his own fault
'She loved me so much, I know. She stayed true to me and at her own peril. She would have been so scared I agree,' Sturt wrote, admitting that his drug taking that helped lead to the murder was his own fault
The court heard Sturt would use threats of violence, murder, and suicide to guilt Ms O'Brien into staying with him despite his frequent psychosis and drug-fuelled abuse.
A doctor in 2018 wrote that he 'attacked Caitlin saying he needs to kill her first before himself'.
Years too late, Sturt finally confesses to all of this abuse, writing: 'I fully admit I was predatory towards Caitlin. It was the core of our relationship.'
However, Sturt paints the couple as being in a 'toxic co-dependency' where he was not the only one to blame.
'Cait knew how dangerous I got when I got crazy. I had even gone as far as to tell her I'd kill myself if/whenever she wanted and she said she would have ended her life too if I ever did,' he wrote.
'It was a trap in a way, we stayed in a toxic co-dependency to keep others free of our own bullshit mental dramas. We lost so many friends trying to patch things up time and time again.'
The courtroom evidence, combined with Sturt's rambling admissions, paints a heartbreaking picture of a caring woman who was too in love and too kind to escape. 
'She loved me so much, I know. She stayed true to me and at her own peril. She would have been so scared I agree,' Sturt wrote.
'I wish I didn't have manic episodes at all but it's my fault for using drugs.'
In other letters, Sturt displays the self-centreness that saw him diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder by psychologists after his arrest.
He dwells on how the court case and after effects of the murder made him feel, and tried to reassure the friend he wrote to that he'd at least tried (and failed) to change his ways. 
'In the evidence brief Cait says that even with my issues she liked life better with me than without me. That made me feel sad but happy,' Sturt wrote.
'I want you to know I tried to make amends for how I'd treated her when I was younger. I was unabashedly sadistic at times.
'When I started smoking weed it made me think of how she had felt and offered to kill myself.'
Sturt dwells on how the court case and after effects of the murder made him feel, and tried to reassure the friend he wrote to that he'd at least tried (and failed) to change his ways
Sturt dwells on how the court case and after effects of the murder made him feel, and tried to reassure the friend he wrote to that he'd at least tried (and failed) to change his ways
Sturt tried to lessen the blow of a violent murder to her grieving friend by claiming that she didn't suffer as she was being stabbed and choked to death - and that it brought him no pleasure
Sturt tried to lessen the blow of a violent murder to her grieving friend by claiming that she didn't suffer as she was being stabbed and choked to death - and that it brought him no pleasure
Such was the depths of his psychosis that he performed what seemed to him a last act of love, proving he still had feelings for her and so wasn't all bad.
He also tried to lessen the blow of a violent murder to her grieving friend by claiming that she didn't suffer as she was being stabbed and choked to death - and that it brought him no pleasure. 
'The day she died I bought her a plush puppy dog and the servo and the last words she heard were "I love you". As violent as she had her life ended, there was still some warped love central to everything,' he wrote.
'She didn't suffer and I did not enjoy it at all.'
Victim 'would still be alive' if hospital didn't let him go
Ms O'Brien, who was recovering from brain surgery, had called police to their flat in upmarket Gardenvale, southern Melbourne, on June 23 when Sturt was having a psychotic episode, and he was taken to hospital by ambulance.
However, he was released just hours later after a mental health assessment and returned home before Ms O'Brien had a chance to flee, as she had planned.
Sturt, now on medication to treat his litany of mental disorders, wrote that if he was kept in hospital against his will and treated, the murder wouldn't have happened.
'[Cait] asked me if I was mad because she had just sent me to The Alfred in an ambulance, but they let me go straight away even though I told them about "finding" Satanism,' he wrote.
'If they kept me there she would still be alive. I thought I had "fixed" my mental illness because the hospital let me go.'
Sturt, now on medication to treat his litany of mental disorders, wrote in letters from jail that if he was kept in hospital against his will and treated, the murder wouldn't have happened

Sturt, now on medication to treat his litany of mental disorders, wrote in letters from jail that if he was kept in hospital against his will and treated, the murder wouldn't have happened
In other letters, Sturt described his mental state in the lead up to the murder, and his surprise that he was released from hospital so easily

In other letters, Sturt described his mental state in the lead up to the murder, and his surprise that he was released from hospital so easily
Ms O'Brien, a nurse, often shocked her hospital colleagues by showing up to work crying and with bruises and Sturt faced court multiple times for domestic violence
The courtroom evidence, combined with Sturt's rambling admissions, paints a heartbreaking picture of a caring woman who was too in love and too kind to escape
The courtroom evidence, combined with Sturt's rambling admissions, paints a heartbreaking picture of a caring woman who was too in love and too kind to escape
In other letters, Sturt described his mental state in the lead up to the murder, and his surprise that he was released from hospital so quickly.
'I began to have paranoid delusions, thinking that Cait was an incarnation of the devil and that I was one of God's sons,' he wrote.
'Cait was afraid and called the police, they took me to The Alfred Hospital where I told them about the devil stuff and they let me go.
I fully admit I was predatory towards Caitlin. It was the core of our relationship
'I must have been super convincing or something but it reinforced my delusions.'
In another letter he explained: 'I was convinced that Cait was killing people so I told the ambulance driver not to let them follow me. 
'At the hospital I told them about my revelations around Satanism and they found it reasonable and let me go.' 
Instead of being treated with medication that would have prevented his delusions and homicidal impulses, Sturt fell further into psychosis. 
'For these last few days I was completely off the planet, reading into things way too much and must have looked psychotic,' he wrote.
'I even bought an apple and made Cait eat it because I thought it would remove her power over me.'
Sturt maintained he had not intended to attack Ms O'Brien until she 'grabbed scissors and I panicked and made the worst mistake of my life'
Sturt maintained he had not intended to attack Ms O'Brien until she 'grabbed scissors and I panicked and made the worst mistake of my life'
Ms O'Brien remained terrified Sturt would kill her as she didn't believe he had receive sufficient hospital treatment to not be a danger. She was right
Ms O'Brien remained terrified Sturt would kill her as she didn't believe he had receive sufficient hospital treatment to not be a danger. She was right
Ms O'Brien had brain surgery on May 14 to remove a brain tumour and praised Sturt for cooking and taking care of household chores as she recovered
About a month before she died the nurse had a brain tumour removed (pictured) but always lived in fear of her violent and increasingly erratic boyfriend
Ms O'Brien had brain surgery on May 14 to remove a brain tumour and praised Sturt for cooking and taking care of household chores as she recovered
Ms O'Brien remained terrified Sturt would kill her as she didn't believe he had receive sufficient hospital treatment to not be a danger. 
'Shea's out of his mind. Having delusions he is Jesus. I'm just scared to be around him. He's not making sense at all,' she wrote to a friend.
'He forced me to eat an apple today so I could be like Adam and Eve and be enlightened.'
Sturt insisted her fears were unfounded. 'I would never hurt you,' he told Ms O'Brien in a text on June 24, to which she replied 'I hope so. I get scared'.
'Of what?' he asked.
'Of you murdering me,' she said. 
The day of the murder 
Sturt explained how his deluded mind had become convinced he was part of a fight between rival factions for control of the world.
He came to believe Ms O'Brien was corrupted by supernatural forces and was part of a plot to destroy humanity.
On the morning of June 25 he was rambling to her about his delusions and decided taking off her pants was the only way to be sure what side she was on. 
'At which point she grabbed her phone and a pair of scissors from the bathroom,' he wrote.
'Believing the world was at stake, and that she was in opposition to pure blood humans I turned the weapon on her and began to choke and suffocate her until she was dead.
'I also had the belief that she was a vampire lasting from a previous psychotic break and that she was killing people. This had been explained to The Alfred in the past. 
'To make sure she didn't come back to life, I wrapped a cord around her neck, changed my shirt to something without a logo because of the symbology of branding.'
Sturt detailed how he stabbed Ms O'Brien with scissors, smothered her with a pillow, and tied tracksuit pants around her neck to make sure she would stay dead

Sturt detailed how he stabbed Ms O'Brien with scissors, smothered her with a pillow, and tied tracksuit pants around her neck to make sure she would stay dead
The court heard Sturt also rifled through Ms O'Brien's wallet and placed a credit card on her chest to signify 'you don't owe me anymore'.
'Then I walked to the city and asked homeless people what I should do. They told me I should grow out my beard like Jesus,' Sturt continued in his letter.
'I cried for a bit and then turned myself in to the police.'
The court heard Sturt showered, went into the city and approached police saying: 'You have to arrest me, I just killed my girlfriend.'
'No you didn't,' the officers replied before Ms O'Brien's body was found on her bed.
He told police 'in that moment, it (the murder) felt like the right thing to do'.
'I know it sounds horrible. It just felt necessary at the time... like everything was leading up to that,' he said.
'I knew from an early age something was wrong with me'
Some of Sturt's letters contain reflections of a guilty man finally coming to terms with the person he really is - a 'soft and afraid child' - but still trying to make excuses for his actions. 
'I do have a darkness inside me that I also own up to. I gave me pleasure to be seen as someone worse than I was,' he wrote in an unnerving moment of clarity.
'My personality is geared towards using people but I don't have the heart to give people false hope so I stay isolated, maybe that's where everything failed me. 
'Too soft to use people, too hard when people used me.'
Some of Sturt's letters contain reflections of a guilty man finally coming to terms with the person he really is - a 'soft and afraid child' - but still trying to make excuses for his actions
Some of Sturt's letters contain reflections of a guilty man finally coming to terms with the person he really is - a 'soft and afraid child' - but still trying to make excuses for his actions
'I knew from a very early age that something was wrong with me. That was one of the initial reasons Cait even liked me, she loved danger,' Sturt wrote
'I knew from a very early age that something was wrong with me. That was one of the initial reasons Cait even liked me, she loved danger,' Sturt wrote
Sturt's mental illness appears to have started at a young age and have never been properly diagnosed or treated, and was instead allowed to fester in a broken childhood.
'I tried to hang myself in primary school, people called me a school shooter-type at high school. I had a preoccupation with death, dealt with having murderers and contract killers in my family,' he wrote.
'I knew from a very early age that something was wrong with me. That was one of the initial reasons Cait even liked me, she loved danger.' 
Like many abusers, Sturt insisted that he 'loves women' and claimed Ms O'Brien even called him a feminist.
'I'm sure the world sees me as a cold and brutal man, but that's what I hate most of all,' he wrote. 
'I love women truly, I think they are so repressed and I'm glad society is changing a bit. Cait called me a tumblr feminist.' 
Killer contracts Hepatitis B from prison toilet
Sturt in one letter claimed to have been in such a poor mental state when he was first locked up in June 2019 that he ate from a prison toilet and caught Hepatitis B.
'This next bit is embarrassing but I feel it shows how bad a state I was in [when he first got to jail],' he wrote in his fourth letter in September 2019.
'I contracted Hepatitis B from eating from the toilet in prison. That's how affected I was. I even got an STD in prison without even having sex. What a sad case I am.'
Another letter gives a glimpse into his life, and that of thousands of other inmates, behind bars at Melbourne Assessment Prison, which he calls 'summer camp for bad kids'.
In self-indulgent musings certain to enrage any victim of crime, he tells of how he whiles away his days chowing down on mie goreng noodles, listening to old hits on radio, and feasting on chocolate. 
Sturt in one letter claimed to have been in such a poor mental state when he was first locked up in June 2019 that he ate from a prison toilet and caught Hepatitis B
Sturt in one letter claimed to have been in such a poor mental state when he was first locked up in June 2019 that he ate from a prison toilet and caught Hepatitis B
One of Sturt's letters gives a glimpse into his life, and that of thousands of other inmates, behind bars at Melbourne Assessment Prison, which he calls 'summer camp for bad kids'
Ms O'Brien was dead, but Sturt was writing of how he whiles away his days chowing down on mie goreng noodles, listening to old hits on radio, and feasting on chocolate
 One of Sturt's letters gives a glimpse into his life, and that of thousands of other inmates, behind bars at Melbourne Assessment Prison, which he calls 'summer camp for bad kids'
In self-indulgent musings certain to enrage any victim of crime, he tells of how he whiles away his days chowing down on mie goreng noodles, listening to old hits on radio, and feasting on chocolate
In self-indulgent musings certain to enrage any victim of crime, he tells of how he whiles away his days chowing down on mie goreng noodles, listening to old hits on radio, and feasting on chocolate
In another letter, Sturt tells the friend that jail isn't so bad because inmates 'get great food' that most days even includes cake. 'My biggest enemy is just time now,' he wrote. He also drew a diagram of his cell
In another letter, Sturt tells the friend that jail isn't so bad because inmates 'get great food' that most days even includes cake. 'My biggest enemy is just time now,' he wrote. He also drew a diagram of his cell
'Prison is really odd, it's kind of like a weird summer camp for bad kids they show on TV, just older and more fights,' he wrote in his third letter in August 2019.
'You can buy all these reminders of normal life. Heaps of cereals, chocolates, and biscuits. Everyone lives for coffee and tea, and Indo Megoreng (sic) noodles. 
'I never watched TV on the outside but it's most of my spare time in here. I miss the internet so much, but there's Double J on the TV as a radio station I can listen to. 
'It's got a lot of the music I grew up listening to, so it's bittersweet in some ways. Sometimes it feels bad to have good memories. 
'Reminds me of all the things I threw away. I really f**ked up, it's painful in so many ways.'
In another letter, Sturt tells the friend that jail isn't so bad because inmates 'get great food' that most days even includes cake. 'My biggest enemy is just time now,' he wrote. 
Pathetic apologies to those she loved
Sturt in four different letters expresses his remorse for butchering Ms O'Brien, reflects on how he deserves to be jailed and suffer for a long time.
In grovelling paragraphs, he tells the close friend of his victim, who knew the couple for many years, that he loved his victim and cried over her death when his mind cleared.  
'I loved her truly, less towards the end... but after the fact I feel it very strong again. When I saw her photo again in the brief (of evidence) I cried in my cell for her and what I'd done,' he wrote in one of the letters.
'She was my puppy and I failed her. She should have found a better forever home. I'm so sorry that I took her away from you and everyone else.'
Sturt and Ms O'Brien climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge during a holiday to Sydney during their long and chaotic relationship
Sturt and Ms O'Brien climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge during a holiday to Sydney during their long and chaotic relationship
In grovelling paragraphs, he tells the close friend of his victim, who knew the couple for many years, that he loved his victim and cried over her death when his mind cleared
In grovelling paragraphs, he tells the close friend of his victim, who knew the couple for many years, that he loved his victim and cried over her death when his mind cleared
But despite his protests, Sturt's writing is still laced with attempts to deflect some of the blame from himself and on to Ms O'Brien, his mental health, and drug affects as their relationship broke down. 
'Towards the end we were barely lovers, just a two f**ked up kids who found comfort in each other,' he wrote.
'Now I've lost literally everything but I accept my punishment. I'm still alive and with any luck I will be out before I die. I wish I'd left before it ended that way but had nowhere to go.'
 At the end of the day, I did it, and no one else
In another letter he wrote: 'I do not blame anyone but me, I was genuinely experiencing hallucinations during a psychotic break. She didn't deserve to die. 
'That is my shame to bare alone and prison is my judgement.'
Sturt in another paragraph tries to put a positive spin on his incarceration, even as he faced a life sentence, in that having destroyed his life he will get a new one on release.
'At the end of the day, I did it, and no one else,' he wrote.
'I've lost all my friends that hadn't left already, all my life's property, my best friend, a lover, family, and get to spent a quarter of my life in jail.
'I'm trying to be optimistic anyway, I get a brand new life when I get out... and the knowledge that I'll never hurt someone ever again.
'[That] peace has been replaced by the reality of prison but I'm not a prisoner of my own life anymore. I don't owe anything but time now.'
Sturt in another paragraph tries to put a positive spin on his incarceration, even as he faced a life sentence, in that having destroyed his life he will get a new one on release
Sturt in another paragraph tries to put a positive spin on his incarceration, even as he faced a life sentence, in that having destroyed his life he will get a new one on release
However, he admits his 'daydreams' are now replaced by 'night terrors'.
His legal aid lawyer Tim Marsh made similar arguments, telling the court Sturt was profoundly remorseful for what he did.
Mr Marsh said Sturt was deeply affected when he read a statement by Ms O'Brien's mother, who described losing part of her soul when her daughter died.
He said Sturt accepted he had lost the chance for a normal life and acknowledged he must pay for his actions.
He has participated in numerous prison programs, including a drug and alcohol program, and was working in the laundry. 
'Something primal took over' 
Sturt has since been diagnosed with schizotypal personality disorder, which differs from schizophrenia in that a patient is aware in hindsight that their thoughts were delusional.
This effect was on display in his letters where he was able to recall his psychoses in detail while knowing they were not true.
'I thought the world was ending and a lot of other dumb s**t. I wrote out pages of delusions to even figure out what went on afterwards,' he wrote.
'I truly did feel peace afterwards, even when I thought I was going to be crucified or killed for turning myself in.' 
He has also been diagnosed with borderline, antisocial, and narcissistic personality disorders, anxiety, depression, and OCD.
Sturt maintained he had not intended to attack Ms O'Brien until she 'grabbed scissors and I panicked and made the worst mistake of my life'. 
'Something primal and probably drug affected took over,' he wrote. 
'I have never gone out of my way to hurt anyone deliberately, I completely isolated myself when I felt myself slipping. I guess I didn't see it coming this time.'
Sturt maintained he did not attack Ms O'Brien until she got scared and 'grabbed scissors and I panicked and made the worst mistake of my life'
Sturt maintained he did not attack Ms O'Brien until she got scared and 'grabbed scissors and I panicked and made the worst mistake of my life'
In the hours before her death Sturt had shared a series of bizarre messages on his Facebook page, revealing he was losing his grasp on reality.
The posts included messages like 'you can't rape humanity away,'  'Sacrifice is beautiful but only ever for the right reasons,' and 'I forgive you'.
He also posted a video of a stand-up routine by Owen Benjamin called 'How To Be Married and Not Be Murdered'. 
Sturt in one of his letters promised 'on my mother's life' that the social media posts were 'rambling incoherence' and nothing more.
'I don't even remember half of what I posted, and none of it was planned,' he wrote.
Sturt also insisted that contrary to early media reports that Ms O'Brien may have lain dead in her flat for days before being discovered, he confessed to the crime in a matter of hours. 
'She was only left there for the time it took for me to walk to the city, talk to some strangers, and then turn myself in. Hours almost, nothing like days,' he wrote.
'I handed myself in and gave as honest a report to the police as I could manage at the time.' 
Sturt also insisted that contrary to early media reports that Ms O'Brien may have lain dead in her flat for days before being discovered, he confessed to the crime in a matter of hours
Sturt also insisted that contrary to early media reports that Ms O'Brien may have lain dead in her flat for days before being discovered, he confessed to the crime in a matter of hours
In the hours before her death Shea Dylan Sturt shared a series of bizarre messages on his Facebook page, revealing he was losing his grasp on reality
Sturt in one of his letters promised 'on my mother's life' that the social media posts were 'rambling incoherence' and nothing more. 'I don't even remember half of what I posted, and none of it was planned,' he wrote
In the hours before her death Shea Dylan Sturt shared a series of bizarre messages on his Facebook page, revealing he was losing his grasp on reality 
Justice Christopher Beale told the Victorian Supreme Court that Sturt was remorseful and this episode was different because of the drug-induced psychosis.
He said the drug use was not an aggravating feature to be factored into sentencing because he was not satisfied that Sturt knew his marijuana use would cause the psychosis.
Sturt told doctors using marijuana was 'like a cure-all' and it 'made me treat Cait better'.
Justice Beale said it wasn't Sturt's fault he had a schizo-type disorder, but said there were other ways he could have treated his anxiety.
He found there was a reasonable prospect Sturt could be rehabilitated.
Outside court Caitlin's sister Martine O'Brien said the family lost two people on that fateful day and she hoped Sturt would get the help he needed. 
Sturt will be be eligible for parole after serving 16 years in prison. 

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